Back in the day, the one way I could express myself was by writing. I don’t write as much anymore, but today I feel this urge to do it.
I LOVE the indie community and the book world. You will never know how much and how important it is to me! It is so important that when something about it upsets me, it screws with other areas of my life too. This is very much so “real life” to me!
But I don’t know…a lot has changed since the last 4 or so years since I’ve met my first “book friends”. I still love them and their recommendations and I’ve met so many other people too! I’ve loved almost every moment of it. I’m not a person that trusts easily, people in my State are known for their suspicions ways. But somehow I trusted so many people in my book community. Most of them were worth it, because I have friends who are there for me and who are very important in my life! But as it was expected, not everyone is trustworthy. I’m not talking about an author, or blogger, or a reader soecifically here. I’m talking about people. And people disappoint us, that’s true. I’ve reached a point that I know who my friends are and who are the people I can talk to and count on.
I’m naturally a confrontational person, I know. I don’t conform, which can be hard. I don’t back down on my opinions and ideas because they are different than others. Those can be flaws, usually they are. But they can also be qualities. I’m passionate and loyal and I have this undescribable urge to defend others (hence me going to Law School). Those are traits I’d love to find in my friends. But I guess not everyone shares the same wants. Because it seems in the way of me being “different” than others I’ve lost a little bit of myself and I might have lost “friends” as well.
It’s inevitable. People take everything too seriously. I do it often. But someone having a different opinion over a book or another person than you is nit motive to delete them on social media or ostracize them. I respect other people’s opinions, but let’s be real. We all see our side first, we are programmed to do so. But it is so hard when others don’t even want to see your side to, right?
I’m not the same person or blogger or reader I was. Now I’m a LOT more selective (ahem, picky lol) of the books I read. I owned up the fact I won’t read some authors are pretty “big deals”. But one thing hasn’t changed and I don’t think it ever will: I will always be honest. I will always love supporting and shouting out about books and authors I love. I will always be loyal and support the ones I love, even when they don’t do it back (some friends say I shouldn’t, and it mind sound stupid to support people who constantly show you’re not important to them, but I can’t be different). Support should be given freely, although showing respect and love for the supporters is always appreciated! 😉
But to be honest, trying to support people who throw your ideas and support away for the next “shiny” thing is exhausting.
But we can’t make people listen to us. We can voice our opinions and ideas. And can only hope for their best either they believe us or not. There are authors whom I love, both their work and personally, who wrote books I don’t like. I still respect them. I can still be loyal to them. I don’t need to kiss ass and lie to show my support.
It’s hard when you have no idea if you’re doing a good job, if everything you do for someone is enough. I think I do, but there is a LOT I can do better. A LOT. But does it mean that what I do is not enough? What is enough after all? Because when we think what we’re doing is enough, why can it be so easily brushed off in the end? Because of one thing I disagree my entire history of supoort and my entire work is now invalid? That’s a shame. And that’s why supoort should be given freely, without expectations. Right?
No one in the whole world will meet all your expectations, no matter how hard you try. . I’m not here to please people (I try to, not being disrespectful and being upfront, but we can’t make other peoole love us), when I do it, I LOVE and I love helping others when I can. But I will not kiss anyone’s ass to be recognized I will not lie about something I don’t like or something I disagree. If that makes me a horrible person, I’m sorry. I’m the kind of person who will always tell you what I think, what I believe. It may be harsh, but when you’re as passionate as I am, it’s rare not being at least a bit harsh over the things we love.
Lots of people love to say “I appreciate your honesty”, until you’re honest with them. Because when you’re honest, suddenly YOU are the problem. You are wrong, after all everyone else shares the same opinion. Your different one has got to be wrong. Being diffreent is not wrong!!! Having a different opinion than others might not be something you agree on or not what you want, but that DOES NOT MAKE WRONG!! But you know what?! For me it’s okay to be different, I thrive on it!! It is better to be different and even ostracized, than being a sheep that is following others to get the “war” spoils. Because the book world? Sometimes it is a WAR! And honestly, I’ve reached a point that people I love and made me care so much for the book world are actually making me not give a s*** if I’m here or not. I’m not interested in fighting a war. I want to read and make friends and have fun! It is not my job to fight for someone’s book to be seen. It’s not my job to carry their insecurities. It’s not my job to make someone “make it”. All I do spreading the word out about books I love is simoly because I want and LOVE it!
Sometimes the oerson who has the different opinion or who has the guts to tell the truth or being honest, sometimes they are not the problem. Sometimes we are the peoblem and we never realize it. I’m a problem a LOT of times but I can recognize it. But I’m sorry if I think it’s not alright to ostracize someone for being different than your usual followers, for being homest and for actually having a critique bone in their bodies and the guts to say it!
In what world it is alright to ask people for 5 stars reviews to look good, but it is wrong to say the truth and be honest?
The Book World for me is the greatest scape, I love connecting with people all over the world, specially over books, but enough is enough and I reuse to be part of the attention war. If you want a loyal follower, who will always be honest and who will listen for countless hours, who will do everything in their power for you, I’m here (just remember that maybe my 100% will not be enough for you but it doesn’t mean it isn’t 100%). Now, if you want a sheep, I’m sorry but that person is not going to be me.
Being a supporter and being loyal doesn’t make us sheeps. Support doesn’t mean acquiescence. It doesn’t mean ass kissing. In a world of ass kissers,,be a follower! 😉
P.S.: I know some people will read this and hate it and say I’m whining and I’m jealous. ANd that’s okay with me. I like when I find people who have diffent opinions and ideas. My conscience is very clear! Being friends with me does not require having to agree with everything I say! 😉