Claire from Dazzled by Jane Harvey-Berrick also came by to give us avice on how to get a book boyfriend!
Advice on Getting a Book Boyfriend
By Clare Milton
You really want to know how to get a book boyfriend? Seriously? Okay, my advice—don’t. Nice knowing you. Bye.
Oh come on! I really have to do this? Fine. Fine!
Well, I shall share my invaluable advice on book boyfriends.
Firstly, writers never share the really gross stuff. They just don’t. But just because Jane Austen didn’t write about Mr. Darcy farting or belching, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.
And at the end of the day, book boyfriends are still men, in all their infuriating, wonderful and frustrating glory.
If you can deal with that, along with laundry that never makes it into the hamper, or dishes that always get left in the sink, or the car that always seems to be out of gas just when you’re in a hurry, then you’re well on your way to coping with a book boyfriend.
Secondly, book boyfriends are hot. Natch. But believe it or not, that definitely has a downside. Half of the female demographic in the whole world are going to be irrevocably in love with your guy. Abs of gold, buns of steel, an arse that could crack walnuts—whatever you love most about your bloke, that is what a gazillion other women are going to swoon over, too.
Have I put you off yet? No? Really?
Well, chew on this…
EVERYONE in the entire universe knows every single one of your flaws. Okay, maybe not everyone in the entire universe, but it certainly feels like it.
For example, just because I wrote once that I may have a slight issue with my hips … and thighs … and stomach … and really, really enormous arse, it doesn’t mean that I wanted the world and his wife to comment on it. It’s bad enough that my boyfriend is drop dead gorgeous with the most amazing body and beautiful grey eyes that I can lose myself in for hours—and is also a major Hollywood movie star.
So here’s the dirt: I have an average body. I’m 5’ 2” and weigh 140 pounds. I’m not exactly a walrus, but I will never, ever be a size zero. Even if you weighed my skeleton, I will never have a 20 inch waist. Even my thighs are more than 20 inches, but that’s another story.
Look, Miles doesn’t give a shit. No, seriously, he doesn’t. He loves me just the way I am. He tells me that every morning, and he tells me every time we duck and cover (it rhymes, work it out), and I completely believe him. The problem is, I don’t love my body as much as Miles does. If I could massage the fat from my stomach up to my boobs, I’d have a killer hourglass figure. But Spanx will only do so much before breathing becomes an issue.
Have I put you off getting a book boyfriend yet?
Okay, I give up.
The truth is … my boyfriend is the star of the book DAZZLED. He’s so hot, the pages burn when you read them, even if he is a total goof as well. But he’s sweet and funny and sexy and I’ve loved him my whole life. I mean that literally—we lived next door to each other growing up.
So even if a whole herd of women adore my Miles, I’d have to say that I don’t care.
Because he’s my Miles.
And if you want to fall in love and get yourself a book boyfriend, then be my guest.
‘Cause it worked out pretty well for me.
Good luck! Break a leg.
Love, Clare x
PS And don’t forget my top tip for world peace and eternal happiness: if you break chocolate, the calories fall out.
Claire and Miles are SO cute and funny!!! ❤️
Thank you so much Jane and Claire for doing this!!
Stay tuned for more special posts in honor of Valentine’s Day!!!